Priorities

Warning: Serious post below.  I promise I will be back to my normal goofball self tomorrow.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks.  I have been back and forth about whether or not to post it, but I decided that I will.  I want my blog to be a place where I can be honest and real about real life issues, and hopefully find some helpful advice or give some helpful advice along the way. 

Lately, I feel like my priorities are all out of whack.  I feel like no matter how hard I try, I can’t quite get things like they should be. 

My ideal list of priorities would look something like this:

God

Husband

Kids

Family/friends

 health/fitness

 household

 job

special interest things (blogging, TV, taking long baths, me time)

This is probably my more accurate list:

Kids

Job

Husband

Family/Friends

God

Health/fitness

Special interests

Household

Why is it so hard to make my priorities like that ideal list?  Even though my kids are at the top of my list, I still feel like there are so many things that I should be doing with them.  So many nights while putting the kids to bed, I feel guilty because I barely spent any time with them.  I hardly played with them or had a meaningful conversation with them.  I come home from work so tired of constantly correcting kids all day that I have little to no patience with my own kids.  I hate that.

 I am quick to blame the job.  I am always thinking about how if I didn’t work things would be so much easier.  I would be a better Christian, better wife, better mother, better friend, my house would be clean, and I could work out every day.  I wonder if it really would be. Then I jump back to reality and realize that I can’t quit my job, so I just need to suck it up and stop worrying about how my life could be and start making it the way I want it.

 I have been struggling with the desire to be a stay at home mom for a while now.  This has been my prayer: God if there is a way that you could let me stay home and take care of my family the way I desire to, then please allow that to happen.  Only if it is Gods will.  Then I also ask him to take the desire away and give me a renewed love of my job, if it is not his will for my life to stay home.  

I have often heard women say that they would work even if they didn’t have to.  They say staying home would drive them crazy and that getting out of the house makes them a better wife and mother.  I think that is great for them, but I have never felt that way.  Sometimes I wish I did.

Now, I don’t want people to read this and think that I don’t like my job, because I do.  Plus it is likely that my boss, who is a good friend of mine, might read this.  I don’t think I am that great of a teacher.  I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others.  I do enjoy those light bulb moments, when something clicks with my students, or they leave class and tell me that they enjoyed my class that day.  I wouldn’t want to work anywhere else.  I have the best co-workers and bosses.  I love my school.   I just don’t always like how I let my job consume me and suck out all my energy and patience, and then my husband and kids have to suffer the consequences.   Believe me; I have been praying a lot about these things in the past few months.

Some people might think I am sharing too much, but I am not writing this for pity or to debate about whether it is better for moms to work or stay home.  There is no right or wrong answer for that debate, so to me it’s not worth having.  Each of us is different and thank God he made us that way.  These are just my feelings and it really feels good to let them out on paper a computer screen.  I hope that someone else might read this who feels the same way I do and get comfort out of the fact that they are not alone.  Maybe some of you have dealt with similar struggles and have some words of advice for me and others like me.  Please share with us. 

Ok. That’s enough of the deep, serious stuff.  Here is a funny picture to lighten the mood!

He is climbing and crawling everywhere!!

 I hope you have a great day!